This is my very first article for Bold Humans, and I must say this is a very fun yet controversial topic. I'm Jules, a nonbinary lesbian of 30 years old (they/them pronouns), and I'm here to tell you about my wonderful journey into the world of scissoring!
DISCLAIMER: In this article, I will be describing my own experiences with scissoring, and those only consist of vulva on vulva action. There are lots of other options when it comes to penis-owners, which is also loads of fun! I can however only talk from my own experience.
As any good writer, I first did a little google search on the term. First thing that pops up, is - alas - lesbian porn on pornhub. My aversion for scissoring first started as a teen, when I noticed all the cishet men in my environment immediately assumed that was the only legitimate lesbian sex position. Or as in the immortal words of Mr. Garrison in South Park:
"Really, I don't understand how two women can make love. I mean, unless they sort of scissor or something…"
These cishet men had such a limited understanding of sex, all they can imagine lesbians did was just bump their genitals together, like they bump their parts against their partner's groins as well, and they ren't creative enough to think of doing anything else. So this, and South Park, was my very first introduction to the wondrous world of scissoring. Therefore, I didn't believe it was a real thing. I truly believed it was a myth.
Fast forward to age 24, where I had a girlfriend and during sex she suddenly asked if I wanted to give scissoring a go. As I'm somewhat of a "yes-man" person, I agreed. Especially in the bedroom, I'm the kind of person that wants to try everything at least once, unless it's a hard limit. What could be the harm?
We got our bodies in position, and awkwardly bumped our vulvas together. After a few beats, I asked her: "Is this doing anything for you yet?" She replied with a casual "not really."
So we moved on to a different position. (I can confidently tell those guys in my youth that believed scissoring truly was the only option, that we have a Smörgåsbord of other options.) After this experience, I was truly set in my belief that scissoring really must be a myth. It didn't do anything for me or my girlfriend at the time, so therefore, it must not be a thing.
I was wrong!
Over 2 years ago, I met my current girlfriend (also they/them pronouns). Our first date was kind of wild - one hour and a half into the date we were already having wild sexual relations together. At 8 PM, we took a little break, I made chicken nuggets while we waited for our Chinese takeaway, I got fucked again while cooking, and after our meal, we continued our sexuals in the bedroom. That's when it happened.
I'm not very sure how we got there, but at a certain point I was moving my hips in a certain way. To which my girlfriend responded, hovering over me, "Oh, so you want to scissor?" with a grin. I laughed and explained my short history with scissoring, to which they replied: "we could give it another go... Maybe you didn't do it right the first time?"
I felt such a nice connection with them, I agreed, and at that point, I was completely proven wrong. Scissoring was AMAZING! And ever since then, it has become a real staple in our sex position arsenal.
So what was different? Here are Jules' tips for the perfect scissor session! (Try to say that ten times fast)
The vulvas need to
be super wet and slippery. That had been my first mistake - with my ex, we just dryly bumped our vulvas together. Make them nice and slippery. Either you can eat each other out vigorously (with lots of spit and drooling) on beforehand, or you can use lube. Or do both! Lube is always a lovely addition to whatever you're doing in the bedroom. The point is that you can really slide your vulvas together.
(Sidenote: use waterbased lube if you want to include silicone toys!)
This truly is the hardest part. It can take some time to find the perfect position to scissor, even for two veteran lesbians such as me and my girlfriend. What works best for us, is to "hook" our legs together like the classic illustration of 2 scissors. I usually lie on my back, with one leg straight in front of me, bent at the knee, and one leg lying more to the side. My girlfriend then grabs the leg I have straight and straddles it on the bottom with their vulva, so they have something to hold on to while they grind. For extra spice (and lovely for those who like feet), they sometimes grab my leg and kiss my feet while they grind. Both clits need to touch something, but not necessarily each other! That's an important one. Usually, our clits grind on each others thighs. It can take a while to find the correct position. Don't get discouraged! Have patience and keep trying until you find the literal sweet spot.
It really is a rhythmic grinding, rather than a bumping. The top can lead with the movement (it helps if they have experience with strapping, so they already have that grinding "mojo", as I call it.) The bottom then follows with what gives them the most pleasure. Follow each other's rhythm, and once you're in the flow, it feels incredible!
It can help if you have experience humping pillows or other body parts, by the way. It's exactly that kind of movement you do on top of each other.
Spice it up with toys! My favorite is to put the top of a magic wand between both clits, so they both grind on the wand together. I can imagine this could also work amazingly with people with a penis. If you have a hard time finding a good position, using a magic wand as a buffer can be a great solution. All you gotta do is make sure your clit stays on the magic wand.
Another option is to put a double-ended dildo in both vaginas, but I personally don't have experience with that. Another fun idea could be to both have remote controlled eggs inserted.
I hope I was able to debunk the myth around scissoring with this!
And darlings, if you give it a go, and you decide it's not for you after all: there's no harm in that. Do whatever makes you feel good!
Let’s start at the beginning and say you’re in search of a new sex toy. You go on the webs to find it. Then you find some online shops. Hmm, you want to buy a vibrator. Neat, let’s go! Time to filter through the categories. Oh, what’s that: For her/For him, Female/Male, Women/Men? For couples (indirectly, it often means cis straight couples) Okay, I guess. In the female section, we find what we need: the vibrators. Where do you have to look if you want to buy a penis masturbator? You have to go into the male section. Before I came out as trans, toy shopping was no biggy. This binary categorization didn’t bother me much. In fact, I never truly gave it any extra thought. I just knew that if I wanted a toy for my sexual pleasure, I’d have to search the female category. Well… Things have become trickier now. Although I don’t experience much bottom dysphoria, I still get social dysphoria. And it really sucks having to shop in the female section when I want to buy a new dildo or vibrator. It’s alienating. I’m not a woman. Yet the toys I want to buy, are in this category. It reduces me to gendered genitals again. It puts me in boxes again. Not all people with vulvas are women, and not all people with penises are men.
How could we solve this binary problem? At BoldHumans they have the answer and I quote them here: “almost every product is suitable for any gender, just use your imagination.”
First of all, they got rid of the Female/Male category section. Instead, they have all their toys in one place under the simple category TOYS. Once there, you can filter through the toy types (all toys > dildos, vibrators, anal plugs, BDSM gear, etc.) What I like about this, is that it doesn’t put a gender on the toy. These filters only tell you what type of toy it is. It doesn’t assume the toy is for a certain gender, it doesn’t assume it’s for certain genitals or a type of person. Plain and simple, it just doesn’t assume or imply anything. And I absolutely love that.
Another great addition to Bold Humans’ way of presenting their products for all genders is their product description. This could easily be overlooked, but the right description can really help with inclusivity. The descriptions on the site often leave the use of the product open to interpretation and the customer’s own creativity. And if not, it only specifies what specific body parts can be stimulated with the toy without assuming this body part belongs to a certain gender or that it has to be used on this part. After all, toys can be used in the most creative ways and don’t need to follow the designer’s intended usage!
The last thing I appreciate about BoldHumans is that there’s a gender category. What you’ll find there, is gender-affirming gear for trans people. As the word already explains: gear that affirms a person’s gender identity. We’re talking about binders, tucking briefs, harnesses, and packers*.
Besides BoldHumans, there are other inclusive queer sex shops like Early 2 Bed and Other-Nature. However, some more generic sex shops actually do sell basic gender-affirming gear too. For starters, many sell basic packers like the Mister Limpy. Often phallic-shaped prosthetics to give the wearer a realistic bulge in their pants. But too often do I see the packer being categorized in the dildo section. And a basic packer is not a dildo, nor is it used for sex at all. This shows there are still some misconceptions about a packer’s purpose. Sure, there are packers that are made for sex, but they have a different name: 2in1, 3in1, or 4in1* depending on what other functions it has.
If the packer isn’t categorized under dildo, I have to explicitly search for it myself in the shop’s own search engine. It’s frustrating and feels like I’m only an afterthought to the people behind the site. Great would it be if these sites also offer a gender category where they explicitly list all gender-affirming products and gear they offer.
There’s still a lot of work to do for sex shops to be more inclusive to all genders, but here and there I already see good starts. The world is evolving, and so should these shops.
*Glossary
transmasculine: generally AFAB people who identify with a masculine gender identity, they do not always identify as a trans man
AFAB: assigned female at birth, a person whom the doctors looked at and said: “it’s a girl”
basic packer is a prosthetic to create a realistic-looking bulge in your underwear and pants
2in1 can refer to an STP packer: a packer you can use to pack and stand while peeing
2in1 can also refer to a Pack & Play: a packer made to pack and have sex with
3in1 is a prosthetic used to pack, stand to pee and have sex
4in1 is a prosthetic used to pack, stand to pee, have sex, and masturbate/self-pleasure
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Cock Rings are made to increase the sensations of the person wearing them. Some people also experience a prolonged erection. They are designed in a way that they restrict blood from leaving the penis while still allowing blood to flow in.
Before wearing a cock ring there are a couple of things you should know in advance.
Although the word ‘cock ring’ might sound pretty self-explanatory, there are different ways to use this goodie. The most common ways are; at the base of the penis, behind the scrotum and behind the glans.
The easiest and most comfortable way to wear a cock ring is to wear it at the base of the shaft. The downside to wearing it like this is that the ring may move during activity and it can be a struggle combining it with a condom. When using a flexible or adjustable cock ring you can put it on when your penis is flaccid or erect. When using a non-flexible ring it’s recommended to put it on when the penis is flaccid.
The most ‘efficient’ way to wear a cock ring and the way to avoid the ring moving around is wearing the ring behind your scrotum. You can do this either by putting your flaccid penis through the ring followed by one testicle at a time or the other way around.
Always put some lubricant on the inside of the ring before putting it on. Don’t wear a non-flexible ring for more than 20 minutes at a time and take it off immediately if you feel any discomfort or pain, or notice any bruising. If your dick falls of, you probably took the wrong size.
There are different types of cock ring. When you’re new to this, you might want to start with a stretchy, silicone ring or an adjustable strap. Other common cock ring materials are steel, (faux) leather and hard plastic.
Especially when choosing a ring that is not very stretchy, the size of it is super important. Before choosing the size you need to know if you’re going to wear the ring on the shaft of the penis or behind your scrotum. Next you need to measure the circumference of the place where you would like to wear your cock ring. Do this while your penis is erect. Use a flexible measuring tape or a string and a ruler. Important: Most manufacturers talk about diameter instead of circumference. So you’ll still need to convert your measurement into diameter by dividing the circumference by 3.14 or by using an online tool.
When buying a non-flexible ring; the ring size should be exactly the size of your penis to avoid discomfort, pain or bruising. When wearing a correctly sized ring, it should feel ‘pleasantly tight’, not uncomfortable.
When buying a silicone ring, you can go for a ring that has a smaller diameter than your penis, depending on the flexibility of the material, the thickness of the design and how tight you want it to be. There are some ‘’standard rules’’ to help you out with this.
Start with the diameter of your penis and calculate your way through the following steps.
So, let’s say the circumference of your penis measures 12 cm. That means the diameter measures 3,8 cm or 38 mm. You’re a beginner and you prefer a ring that is stretchy (-12mm) has an average thickness. Your cock ring should have a diameter between 2,6 and 3,7 cm.
Got curious about cock rings? Check out the silicone cock ring collection at Bold Humans.
]]>Light up some candles, put on some music and give your loved one a massage to warm them up for what's about to come. Sliquid has massage oils that are vegan and cruelty-free. They're available with the scent of mandarin and basil, vanilla or unscented.
All warmed up? Time to make sure your valentine stays close to you by using restraints. In the mood to stay in bed? Use a restraint system that you can fix to your bed. Sportsheets was the first one to create an under the bed restraint system that you can just shove underneath your matress. The straps are easy to adjust yet difficult to escape (tested and approved by yours truly). For a locally handmade alternative; check out Balancelle's bed cuffs.
Not so much into staying still? Take your loved one for a walk with a leash or get creative with bondage tape.
All strapped up? Time to play! Colour your partner's butt cheeks as red as a V-day's flower bouquet by using a flogger or paddle. Choose a cruelty-free, faux leather one if you're new to this or go for Tantus' silicone paddles if you want some extra thud.
After this steamy hot spanking sesh, you might feel like penetrating your partner or getting penetrated. Ofcourse your fingers, hands and penis make a perfect penetration tool. Not in the mood to use those bodyparts or lacking a penis? No worries, at BoldHumans we have plenty of them. Get yourself a silicone dildo with a base so you can use it in a harness or buy a harness kit if you don't feel like picking everything yourself.
Don't forget to use lube! Use waterbased lube if you're using silicone toys and silicone lube if there are no silicone toys involved and you want your lube to last a long time.
Feel like your partner can go a little further? Make your play sesh more intense with a hood or a gag.
Enough of all of this? Aftercare-time! Hug. Kiss. Tell your partner how much you love them. Talk about the experience you just had. Drink some water. Breathe. Hug. Kiss.
Valentine's Day or not: always make sure to communicate before participating in any sexual activity. Check in with your partner multiple times while having sex. Use a safe word when practicing BDSM and agree on a sign that you'll use when you're not able to speak (for example, when you're wearing a gag).
]]>A basic, high-quality silicone dildo is a must-have in every bedside table. They come in different shapes and colours and most of them have a suction cup. Pro tip: Take your suction cup dildo with you when going for a shower or bath. Check out the entire range of silicone dildos here.
Already owner of a silicone dildo? Time to try out a new kind of material. Glass and steel are fun materials to experiment with. They can provide enough pressure in case you're into G-spot or prostate orgasms and they can be cooled down or warmed up for a little extra.
No better way to start with anal than by yourself. Start small and work your way up with an anal training set or spice up your masturbation sesh by leaving an anal toy plugged in while stimulating a different area of your body.
If you're under the impression that lubricants are for old people and/or couples, it's time to change your mind. Lubricants are great, if not essential, for solo play. If you already knew that, this might be a good moment to try a different kind of lubricant than the one you're used to. Too much to choose? Pick one of Sliquid's Lube Cubes to try out a range of different lubes.
The basic bitches amongst the solo play sex toys... Follow the hype by buying yourself an air pressure vibrator (the hype is real) or go for Doxy's wand vibrator that doubles up as a massage tool if you're in a generous mood.
]]>Tiny, weighted butt plug - €39,95
Silicone lubricant - €16,95
Toy cleaner for a quick fix - €9,95
Chest binder, FtM binder, breast binder, or whatever you like to name it is a garment to flatten your chest. It can have the form of a top, a bra or a shirt and is made out of an elastic material. It fits tightly around the upper body spreading the mass of the chesticles to make them look more flat.
A binder can be used for different kinds of reasons like gender transition, cosplay performance or as a part of surgery recovery.
Please note: household items such as duct tape or bandages are able to cause some serious damage like rib fractures and are therefore not materials you should use to bind your chest.
Choosing the right size is very important. Buying a binder that is too small can be dangerous and may lead to skin damage, back pain, breathing problems or even permanently warped ribs.
Wearing a binder is generally not a comfortable thing to do, but if it hurts, cuts or hinders your breathing, it’s definitely too tight. A binder should fit like a second skin around your body. To choose the right size you should consult the manufacturer’s size chart. To measure the body you have to measure the widest part of your chest, underneath your chest and from shoulder to shoulder.
Buying a high quality binder will not only reduce the risks for your body, it will also minimize pain, discomfort, sweating and irritation.
Putting on a binder might be kind of a struggle since the materials are very rigid. This is perfectly normal. There are however some techniques to make it easier.
The most common way is to put it on by pulling it overhead, but if you’re new to this it might be easier to do it a different way. Start with your binder inside out and upside down. Step into it and pull it up until your waistline. Next you can pull the handles up to your shoulders and put your arms through the sleeve holes.
People who have big shoulders, a big chest or who are plus size, might struggle more with both of the techniques. If it would be the case; try to have somebody that you feel safe with to help you when you try to put on your binder for the first time and when you’re about to take it off again.
When you’ve managed to get your binder on, it’s time to adjust your chest. Depending on your personal preference, you can push your chesticles down and/or to the side.
Our bodies are not made to be under this kind of pressure 24/7. Make sure to give your body a break every once in a while. Generally spoken you should not wear a binder for more than 8 hours a day and six days in a row to avoid bruising and other more severe side effects. If this is your first time binding, start with a couple of hours to adjust to the feeling. When wearing a new binder, start with 1 to maximum 3 hours a day until the fabric becomes less rigid.
Do not go to sleep with your binder on.
The best way to make your binder last longer, is to hand wash it. If you do however want to machine wash it, make sure to put it on a gentle cycle using cold water only. Do not use bleach, it will affect the elasticity. If you want to avoid having a stained binder, opt for a black one instead.
Don’t tumble dry, unless the binder has started to become too stretchy. If that’s the case, you can dry it for an absolute maximum of 15 minutes.
I myself didn't have any experience on wearing a binder and I have the luxury of being cisgender and comfortable in my body. I was however very curious about wearing the Danaë basic binder and here are the results:
On the first picture I'm wearing a regular sportsbra, on the second one I'm wearing Danaë's basic binder
I am wearing the medium sized one. Except for some uncomfortable pressure I didn't feel anything such as pain or fabric cutting into my skin. I kept it on for a couple of hours. The fabric didn't move during that time and I had no other complaints than a little discomfort.
Because I had a breast enlargement my chesticles are more firm and therefore more difficult to camouflage. Even though I already think the binder is doing an amazing job flattening my chest, the effect could be even better on others.
Danaë's short chest binder is available on Bold Humans in size XS-XXL for €49,95. The product is made in the Netherlands with fabrics produced in Germany.
Danaë Trans-Missie is a Dutch company founded by Danaë Kurvers when she experienced what problems transgender men face due to the transition of her brother. Danaë is also offering a size XXXL and customized binders.
All the kind people who offered me their help by reviewing this text and by sharing their own experiences. Thank you. ♡
https://transguys.com/features/chest-binding
http://point5cc.com/binding-safely-for-your-body-tips-for-all-body-types-and-sizes/
http://point5cc.com/binding-101-tips-to-bind-your-chest-safely/
http://thebutchelor.com/fyi-binding-tips/
https://www.bustle.com/articles/177225-9-tips-for-chest-binding-as-a-plus-size-person
In 2018 the first study on the benefits and downsides of chest binding has been published. You can read the results here:
https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/trgh.2018.0017
Because I do understand not everybody is financially able to buy a binder or find one in their size, here is some additional information on alternatives:
http://point5cc.com/dressing-well-without-binding/
https://www.minus18.org.au/index.php/resources/sexuality-info/item/441-how-to-bind-your-chest
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